Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
