how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
