oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
