Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
