I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just found a bag of teeth...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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