That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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