Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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