Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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