In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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