It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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