i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
