wakey wakey hands off snakey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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