would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
