it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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