what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
