I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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