I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
