everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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