grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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