I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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