I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
