im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
