Sry I called you an 8
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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