Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
