Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
