I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
