i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
