That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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