Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
