I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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