What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
