I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
