Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
