weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
