Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
