This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
