goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
