if you like me you must not know who I am
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
