Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
