U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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