Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
