You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
