It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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