i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
