hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize