his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
