I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
