"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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