I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
