you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
