Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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