at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
