That's intense
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
