You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
