My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
