My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
honey bunches of taint.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
